“Momma always told me not to look into
The sights of the sun. But Momma,
That’s where the fun is.”

“Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,
With grammar, and nonsense, and learning,
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,
Gives genius a better discerning.”

“It (drink) provokes the desire
But it takes away the performance.”

“Drink to the men who connect you to life.
Drink, drink, raise your glass,
Raise your glass higher.”

“Fair thought and happy hours attend on you.”

“I have made it a rule –
Never to drink by daylight, and never to
Refuse a drink after dark.”

“I drink to the general joy
Of the whole table.”

“No animal ever created anything
So bad as drunkeness,
Or so good as drink.”

“They speak of my drinking
But never think of my thirst.”

“Every man on earth comes to the time when
He’s more interested in liquor than in women.
But Canadian men seem to come to it rather early.”

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case
I see a snake – which I also keep handy.”

“Any club that would accept me as a member,
I wouldn’t want to join.”

“A club is a place where a gentleman
Can get drunk respectably.”

“What a man considers indecent is an important
Clue to his character.”

“Drinking must be practiced with great prudence.
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated,
Has not the art of getting drunk.”

“Wearing underwear is as formal as
I ever hope to get.”

“I drink to make other people interesting.”

“So eat, drink and be merry
Have a good time if you will.
But God help you when the time comes,
Any of you have to foot the bill.”

“There is hope for the man who can occasionally
Make a spontaneous and irrevocable ass of himself.”

“I’ve made an ass of myself so many times
I often wonder if I am one.”

“What’s Drinking?
A mere pause from thinking.”

“I drink no more than a sponge.”

“A little too much is just right.”

“A very, merry, dancing, drinking,
Laughing, quaffing, and unthinking time.”

“The rapturous, wild and ineffable pleasure
Of drinking at somebody else’s expense.”

“Money is a good thing to have
In these twisted times.”

“I was never drunk enough,
Never poor enough,
Never rich enough.”

“Who needs money when you’re funny.”

“I always have trouble remembering
Three things: faces, names and I can’t
Remember what the third thing is.”

“Remember the poor – it costs nothing.”

“Blessed are the young,
For they shall inherit the national debt.”

“The hardest thing in the world to
Understand is the income tax.”

“Never drink on an empty wallet.”

“May you be merry and lack nothing.”

“So fill a cheerful glass
And let good humour pass.”

“Drink because you are happy
But never because you are miserable.”

“With this goblet, rich and deep,
I cradle all my woes to sleep.”

“The problem with some people is that
When they aren’t drunk,
They are sober!”

“I can resist everything except temptation.”

“One can drink too much,
But one can never drink enough.”

“A man hath no better thing under the sun,
Than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry.”

“Drink with impunity –
Or anyone who happens to invite you.”

“Say anything you like about me,
Except that I drink water.”

“Let’s drink together, friendly and embrace.”

“Nothing relaxes the boys like a good fight.”

“Better a belly burst than a good liquor lost.”

“Never exaggerate your faults;
Your friends will attend to that.”

“Sophistication is the art of getting drunk
With the right people.”

“The hang-over became a part of the day
As well allowed for as the Spanish siesta.”

“Since God created man upon the face of the earth,
There never was a more downright absurdity
Imposed upon and supported by civilized people,
Than that of absolute abstinence from all intoxicating liquors.”

“Somebody bet me tonight that
I wouldn’t remember it.”

“Change everything except lovers.”

“As he brews, so shall he drink.”

“When the going gets weird,
The weird turn pro.”

“Big shots are only little shots
Who kept shooting.”

“When you can’t stand the terrible crashing
Of snowflakes as they hit the ground,
You have had enough.”

“Lord, how my head aches!
What a head have I! It beats as
It would fall in twenty pieces.”

“The true test of a man is to be
Able to work with a hangover.”

“Never trust a brilliant idea
Until it survives the hangover.”

“There is nothing wrong with sobriety
In moderation.”

“It’s better to have had a few mornings after
Than never to have had a night before.”

“Always remember that I have taken more out of Alcohol
Than Alcohol has taken out of me.”

“A bumper of good liquor,
Will end a contest quicker,
Than Justice, Judge or Vicar.”

“Abstinence is a wonderful thing
If it is practiced in moderation.”

“Now is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
It is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”