Bazooka Joe began his hospitality career at an early age…
When Bazooka Joe was in Grade Five, he talked his classmate Danny into raiding his Italian father’s wine cellar and stealing a jug of homemade wine. If you know anything about homemade Italian wine, then you know, while it is quite tasty, it is also wildly potent.
The next day Danny brought the jug of wine to school and, at recess, all the grade five boys assembled behind the portable. Bazooka Joe showed them all how to drink the wine over their shoulder, like “real Italians” because Joe is, after all, Irish/Scottish. This shoulder pour movement proved tricky and much of the red wine spilled down the front of each of them so Joe took over and poured for everyone.
Before you can say Chianti, somebody squealed, the impromptu wine bar was abruptly closed and Joe, in spite of his genuine hospitality, never saw another recess for the rest of that year.
This event served as, not only Bazooka Joe’s first introduction to bartending, but also his first serious red wine hangover.
Joe was a bar porter at 16 and a bartender at 18 and after high school headed out West. He soon found himself bouncing in some of the wildest and toughest bars around. In a blatant effort to preserve his average looks and good health, Joe returned to bartending. Only this time it was on a street that held the Guinness world record for the greatest concentration of bars on the planet – – the world-famous Electric Avenue.
Bazooka Joe became well known on the Avenue as a cocktail pioneer and a bit of a showman, often juggling shakers high in the air and lighting countertops on fire with wild abandon.
“Sometimes we actually lit patrons on fire and that wasn’t good for customer relations. Those ski jackets melt like butter. They didn’t like that much…”
It was here on Electric Avenue that he wrote his first book on “Shooters”, as well as several magazine articles including the definitive guide on these diminutive cocktails for Playboy Magazine. More books followed and he was soon on a nationwide book tour and being quoted on the front pages of the national newspapers.
From Europe to South Africa to Asia and all over North America, Bazooka Joe has spent decades traveled the world promoting alcohol, hospitality, and “… just a bit one more before you close off”.
Despite this fame, Joe just considers himself, first and foremost, a bartender and like any decent bartender, Bazooka Joe is university educated in psychology (both child and abnormal), he is a Certified Personality Profiler and an excellent winger if you are out on a rip on the town.
In 2020, Bazooka Joe released Shooter Roulette (shooterroulette.com), a mobile site for the “serious” shooter drinker. The site offers an extensive yet easily searchable directory of shooter recipes, boozy quotes, and hangover helpers so now YOU can take the “party to go”.
Purchase of this book provides permanent online access to the shooter library at Shooter Roulette (shooterroulette.com). Feedback is always welcome at [email protected].
“They speak of my drinking…But never think of my thirst”
– Scottish Proverb
QUOTES FOR YOUR TOASTS
“Momma always told me not to look into
The sights of the sun. But Momma,
That’s where the fun is.”
“Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,
With grammar, and nonsense, and learning,
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,
Gives genius a better discerning.”
“It (drink) provokes the desire
But it takes away the performance.”
“Drink to the men who connect you to life.
Drink, drink, raise your glass,
Raise your glass higher.”
“Fair thought and happy hours attend on you.”
“I have made it a rule –
Never to drink by daylight, and never to
Refuse a drink after dark.”
“I drink to the general joy
Of the whole table.”
“No animal ever created anything
So bad as drunkeness,
Or so good as drink.”
“They speak of my drinking
But never think of my thirst.”
“Every man on earth comes to the time when
He’s more interested in liquor than in women.
But Canadian men seem to come to it rather early.”
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case
I see a snake – which I also keep handy.”
“Any club that would accept me as a member,
I wouldn’t want to join.”
“A club is a place where a gentleman
Can get drunk respectably.”
“What a man considers indecent is an important
Clue to his character.”
“Drinking must be practiced with great prudence.
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated,
Has not the art of getting drunk.”
“Wearing underwear is as formal as
I ever hope to get.”
“I drink to make other people interesting.”
“So eat, drink and be merry
Have a good time if you will.
But God help you when the time comes,
Any of you have to foot the bill.”
“There is hope for the man who can occasionally
Make a spontaneous and irrevocable ass of himself.”
“I’ve made an ass of myself so many times
I often wonder if I am one.”
“What’s Drinking?
A mere pause from thinking.”
“I drink no more than a sponge.”
“A little too much is just right.”
“A very, merry, dancing, drinking,
Laughing, quaffing, and unthinking time.”
“The rapturous, wild and ineffable pleasure
Of drinking at somebody else’s expense.”
“Money is a good thing to have
In these twisted times.”
“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and
Believe me, rich is better.”
“I was never drunk enough,
Never poor enough,
Never rich enough.”
“Who needs money when you’re funny.”
“I always have trouble remembering
Three things: faces, names and I can’t
Remember what the third thing is.”
“Remember the poor – it costs nothing.”
“Blessed are the young,
For they shall inherit the national debt.”
“The hardest thing in the world to
Understand is the income tax.”
“Never drink on an empty wallet.”
“May you be merry and lack nothing.”
“So fill a cheerful glass
And let good humour pass.”
“Drink because you are happy
But never because you are miserable.”
“With this goblet, rich and deep,
I cradle all my woes to sleep.”
“The problem with some people is that
When they aren’t drunk,
They are sober!”
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
“One can drink too much,
But one can never drink enough.”
“A man hath no better thing under the sun,
Than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry.”
“Drink with impunity –
Or anyone who happens to invite you.”
“Say anything you like about me,
Except that I drink water.”
“Let’s drink together, friendly and embrace.”
“Nothing relaxes the boys like a good fight.”
“Better a belly burst than a good liquor lost.”
“Never exaggerate your faults;
Your friends will attend to that.”
“Sophistication is the art of getting drunk
With the right people.”
“The hang-over became a part of the day
As well allowed for as the Spanish siesta.”
“Since God created man upon the face of the earth,
There never was a more downright absurdity
Imposed upon and supported by civilized people,
Than that of absolute abstinence from all intoxicating liquors.”
“Somebody bet me tonight that
I wouldn’t remember it.”
“Change everything except lovers.”
“As he brews, so shall he drink.”
“When the going gets weird,
The weird turn pro.”
“Big shots are only little shots
Who kept shooting.”
“When you can’t stand the terrible crashing
Of snowflakes as they hit the ground,
You have had enough.”
“Lord, how my head aches!
What a head have I! It beats as
It would fall in twenty pieces.”
“The true test of a man is to be
Able to work with a hangover.”
“Never trust a brilliant idea
Until it survives the hangover.”
“There is nothing wrong with sobriety
In moderation.”
“It’s better to have had a few mornings after
Than never to have had a night before.”
“Always remember that I have taken more out of Alcohol
Than Alcohol has taken out of me.”
“A bumper of good liquor,
Will end a contest quicker,
Than Justice, Judge or Vicar.”
“Abstinence is a wonderful thing
If it is practiced in moderation.”
“Now is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
It is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”